My Latest Ah-Ha Moment

I have been in a deep, nasty depression for the last 3 days....here is why....When I got in my car to go home on Friday, I received a call from my patient advocate at WeightWise. She told me that with no co-morbids and without a 3 year history of morbidly obese weight, even if I gained the needed 13 pounds (which isn't hard for me to do), insurance still wouldn't pay for the surgery. I cried the entire way home that night. Then I spent almost all day Saturday lying in bed and crying off and on. I put on my happy face for church on Sunday and then had no desire to get out of bed today. I decided to work from home and see if I could come to grips with this and get myself back up on my feet.

I hate how quickly Satan can grab hold of our doubts, insecurities and weaknesses and dig in his claws only to cause us more unnecessary pain. No matter how much Tony, my parents or my wonderful friends tried to tell me that God could be trying to tell me something, it wasn't until my "Ah-Ha Moment" today that I realized I had to move on. So, what was my "Ah-Ha Moment"? I have continually prayed that God would provide a way for insurance to pay for the surgery. I am unwilling to pay cash for a $20K surgery and I'm not going to finance it either. Well...duh! If I'm not willing to do either of those (cash or finance) and insurance isn't going to pay, then I've gotten my answer from God. No surgery it is! And no matter how depressed I've allowed myself to be this weekend, I am surprisingly calm about this decision. My friend Marti said it best today, maybe God is trying to save me from total misery and danger. (Thanks Marti...I needed to hear those exact words....they struck a cord that needed to be hit pretty hard.)

I am not going to stay overweight though. At this time I'm not sure how I'm gonna do it, but I do know that I have the necessary support to do it the way that God will lead me to. Keep praying....I obviously need all the prayers I can get!!!