Going Around Him to Get Where I Wanna Go!

(Disclaimer: I know that I have major ups and downs when it comes to my journey of finding peace with food. I know that you have to be so tired of hearing about them too...so if you are, just move on past me...this is a form of therapy for me...so just accept it!)

So, since my last post of "sh*t or get off the pot", I did pretty well...for a week. Then I fell off the wagon again for about two weeks. Effective today, I am going to try to view this a little differently.

First, you will never know just how exhausting this has been for me. The continual struggle has absolutely worn me out. About a week and a half ago, I spent the whole day in bed. Not because I was sick or tired, but because I was mentally spent. I felt like I was at the bottom and couldn't really get any lower. After talking to my dad that night, he convinced me to double up on my anti-depressants and see if that would help. After about 4 days of taking a double dose, I started to feel better and felt like I was coming back out of my own head. I am still on a double dose and not sure when to go back to a single one. I have an appointment with a counselor at WeightWise on Friday afternoon. I've tried hard to do this on my own and was lead to realize that I need someone to help me through the head games of this whole thing.

So...more about trying to do this on my own. Yes, my blog title is "Going Through Him to Find Me!" But here lately, I've done more "going around him to get where I wanna go"....hehehe. Instead of putting my attention on God and his love and plan for my life, I've been extremely focused on myself....and food...of course. I am still reading "He Loves Me" and I learn something new from it everyday. New perspectives on things on I thought I knew.

So, how does a food addict stop obsessing about food? For the longest time I wasn't really sure. But last night I realized that instead of fighting the temptation on my own, i need to pray during those moments of weakness. DUH! Big time DUH! I should've been doing this all along. Remove the focus from myself and shift it to where it belongs.