Admitting There is a Problem...

...is the first step to recovery.

I HAVE DEPRESSION! AND NOT TAKING MY MEDS IS NOT AN OPTION!

Sorry if this post is going to be a little of a debbie downer, but I just need to get this off my chest. If you don't suffer with an illness, maybe I can enlighten you a bit in to how it affects your day to day state of mind.

I really do try to be a positive person. I try to smile a lot. I try to be happy. But when I don't feel well (which happens to be more often lately), it is so hard. My body hurts...physically hurts all over. I am tired. I am mentally challenged...hehehe. I can't focus. I just want to sleep. I want to cry.

All of these are symptoms related to my CFS and POTS. But they are also symptoms of depression. Each night when I go to bed I have no idea how I will feel when I wake up. I can't take it for granted that I will have a normal day. And this uncertainty can be very taxing.

So, don't yell at me, but about 3 - 6 months ago, I got lax with my anti-depressant meds and just stopped taking them. Well, over the last several weeks I have had several discussions with friends and family. I've realized that if I can minimize some of the symptoms that I feel each day with AD meds, then why am I not taking them??? Why am I letting myself suffer?

So I wanted to make this PUBLIC DECLARATION that I will no longer treat myself like this. I will give myself every opportunity to feel well. And if that means that I add two more pills into my already HUGE supply of daily intake, then that is what I must do. Period.