What a Difference a Year Makes

Today marks the one year anniversary of my surgery. I remember how excited and scared I was about the surgery and what life would be like afterwards. I love that I can go back through my blog though and read exactly how I was feeling at the time, rather than try to rely on my memory alone.

I am still in the honeymoon phase of surgery and I am living the life. I have lost 102 pounds total and am still losing it...no matter what I eat. Yes, that's right, I can pretty much each whatever I want now (with little sickness), but the weight keeps coming off. I have to admit this SCARES me to death. I know that I am making bad food choices again, but when there are no consequences to stop me, I have a hard time stopping myself.

I have had several conversations with people here at work who are now two years out from their surgery dates. Most of them are now starting to put some of the weight back on and they are back to struggling with food. None of them are where they were initially, but we all know that this is the time for them to get it under control or the weight will come back on. So...this is my future. I figure I have about 6 more months of not being able to stop the weight loss. But I know at about the 18 month point, it will be up to me to make good choices in order to maintain and stay healthy.

It's weird to wake up in the mornings and be thin. I still picture the overweight girl in my mind and then when I catch my reflection in the mirror, it is odd to see a different person looking back. I still fear that I will wake up one morning and be overweight again. I still fear the control that food and cravings seem to have over my choices.

It may have been a year ago, but I still struggle with the same head issues as before. Some are better, some are the same, but I am coming to grips with this being a lifelong journey and not one that ends just because I am at my goal.