***This post will be raw. I am not seeking anything from you with this, I am merely using this post to get these thoughts out of my head.***
Well...let me just get to it. I'M DEPRESSED. My eating is out of control. All I want to do is stay in pajamas. I don't want to shower. Wearing makeup takes so much effort it is exhausting.
Tony and I talked about it a little last night and I know what this depression is attributed to....the tornado and knowing my job is coming to an end. (Sorta good news on the job though...I have been extended to July 31, so I have another month of employment than originally thought.)
I was working on my monthly budget which is done off my payroll cycle. What do I do with August? There won't be a check on August 31. How do I plan this? The OCD planner in me is about ready to explode.
We've had severe weather for the last two afternoons/evenings and are supposed to have it again today. I can't relax. I've not gone into the office all week because I don't want to drive home in a storm...and let's face it, I am scared a tornado will hit and I won't be here with my family if it does. The thought of hunkering down in the bathroom again makes my stomach twist into horrible knots.
I know I have survivors guilt. I have friends who have lost everything and my house got a little dirty.
I'm not sure how to process any of this. I guess the first step is my typing of this post. Because to be honest, I didn't realize how bad it was until I started typing. I have tears welled up in my eyes, but I don't have the strength to let them roll down my face.
I know this too shall pass and my faith is in God. I will find strength in what remains.
I am married to my best friend and am the mom of two wonderful kids. I have had my ups and downs in regards to health, happiness and weight loss. This blog will tell you about all of those ups and downs and my opinion on the randomness that we call life.