What I'm Thinking Thursday

Just a few random thoughts today...

***Why do I love chocolate so much?  I mean seriously, it makes it really hard to lose weight when Hershey Kisses are so divine.  I managed to keep the Kisses out of the house for about two weeks...but I just couldn't do it anymore.  So I bought a bag last night and it is already halfway empty.  Urgh!

***My hair. Is. Driving. Me. Nuts!  It is currently at a funky length and I'm in the position of having to decide if I want to continue to grow or cut it back off.  I was desperately looking forward to my hair appt yesterday, but my hair girl had to leave town for a family emergency.  So, now I have to wait another week and hope to goodness that I don't end up cutting it myself.

***I've done something to my shoulder/neck and I'm really tired of it hurting.  It happened on Tony's birthday...it was like a charlie horse right at my shoulder blade.  It seriously paralyzed me for a bit.  I couldn't move without excruciating pain.  I'm considering going to a chiropractor and having acupuncture done, but I'm a little nervous about it.  I need to just bite the bullet and get it taken care of.

***I think I'm gonna dig out my scrapbooking stuff this weekend and let the creative endorphin juice flow.  It's been since before we put the house on the market that I've even thought about scrapbooking.  Unfortunately, I'll do it at the kitchen table, another miss from the bigger house.  But if it will help put me in a better mood, I guess it's worth having the mess out for awhile.

What I'm Thinking Thursday

Most of you know that I've started working a part time job.  I explained it a little on fb, but thought I'd go into more detail here.

After we settled in to our new home and started trying to balance our budget, I quickly realized that we were still coming in short each month.  We weren't going to be able to live on Tony's fire station money alone.  Tony and I had multiple discussions and he kept insisting that I shouldn't go back to work.  But being a SAHM for two teenagers left me feeling like I wasn't pulling my own weight.  It doesn't take long to clean a 1200 sq ft house and when the kids were in school, I felt like I was being a sloth.  I tried not to run around town too much...after all, that takes money.  So that would've been a bit counter productive.

After about the third pay period, where I was having to pull money from savings, I took it God (yes, I should have taken it to God sooner).  I prayed hard for a solid day.  Tony and I talked a lot the next day and I told him I wanted to try to find a low stress 8-12 or 9-1 job.  But I seriously didn't think something like that existed.  My only experience with part time jobs was in retail...and I certainly didn't want to go back to retail.

Later that evening, after more prayers and discussions with Tony, I decided to start putting out "feelers".  I sent a text to my friend, Jeana, and said "Hey, I think I need a part time job.  Will you let me know if you hear of anything?"  She immediately texted back and said she actually had a position coming open in her department and it should be posted soon.

At this time, Jeana had no idea about my prayer focus.  She didn't know how heavily it was weighing on my heart to go back to work and I didn't want to pressure her.  I didn't want the potential of guilt on her if I ended up not getting the job.  The next day, the job was posted and I immediately applied to it.  I was interviewed the next week by four different people and offered the job the same day as the interviews.  Later the next week, I let Jeana in on my praying and my 100% certainty that it was God that lead me to text her that evening.  My prayer was answered in the most clear way I've ever had a prayer answered.

I LOVE this job.  This is my third week.  I work 9-1 Monday through Friday.  I'm still able to see the kids off to school and be there when they get home. I'm not exhausted at the end of the day and when I leave work my day is over.  No more logging in during the evening.  No more text message or instant message conversations when I'm home with my family.  This really and truly is an answered prayer.  Our God is good!!!

What I'm Thinkin' Thursday

Hopefully, you are over the shock of learning that we moved.  Let me tell you, it was the right decision, even if the kids are still in culture shock.

After much soul searching and prayer, Tony and I made this decision late September/early October.  You all know that I lost my job at the end of July.  After being there for 15 1/2 years, it was one of the toughest emotional events of my life.  I immediately hit the pavement with my heels on but couldn't get a foot in the door.  As each week went on, I felt more and more despondent.  

The funny thing though, is that when I wasn't concentrating on a finding a job, I was also the happiest I have ever been.  Being present at all of the kids activities without the guilt of missing work was extremely liberating.  I felt like I was doing what I was meant to do.  So, after crunching numbers, we decided to give it a go and see if we could live off Tony's pay alone.  Doing this meant that we had to reduce our monthly mortgage by half.  

Our house was only on the market for less than a month when we got a good offer that we decided to accept.  However, the buyer wanted to close on December 13 (and it was Nov 18 at this point).  And...we hadn't found "that" house yet.  So, we had no where to live.  Luckily, two days after we accepted the offer, we found the house that would become our new home and the rest is history.  The move was stressful and eventful.  But now that it is done and nesting is my current responsibility, I know that this is where we are meant to be during this time of our lives.

What I'm Thinking Thursday

Who would've thought that I would go "blogger silent" for such a long period of time?  Certainly not me.  I'm sorry for just abandoning you guys.  So, I'm gonna use today for a little catch up of sorts.  It might end up being a bit of a ramble, but what's new, right?

Today marks 6 weeks of unemployment.  In some ways it seems shorter than 6 weeks and in others it seems like it has been months and months.  I've done pretty good at keeping myself busy but I can only sit at my computer and fill out online job applications for so long.

I have completed several projects around the house and I plan to tell you all about those next week on "What I'm Up to Wednesday".  I've read a lot.  And I mean A LOT!  So over the next few weeks I will catch up with some reviews of my favorites on "Book Talk Tuesday".

My daily schedule consists of me getting up at 5:30 am, which is actually earlier than I got up when I was working.  Quinn has morning band practice each day at 7 and has to be on the field and ready at that time. So, I take him to school at 6:30 each morning.  Ashton's school starts at 7:45, so we leave the house at 7:15 to get her there.  (I had hoped to get to sleep in on the days that Tony is off from the fire station, but he has taken on a second job and works his days off from the station there.)  After getting the kids off to school, I come back home and take Ali for a morning walk.  It's been nice for both of us to stretch our legs.  Once we get home, I usually crawl back in bed, read for a little bit and take a short nap.  I figure I'm entitled since it is only 7:45 at this point.  I'm typically back up and ready to really start my day by 8:30 or 9.

I have lots to do in order to get myself back to a good mental state.  I've had a few really low days and the worst one had me in bed crying for over 3 hours.  I'm hoping that eventually the good days will stretch on further and the low days will be fewer.  I was emailing with my bestie Nicole this week and she really hit on a great way for me to get myself back in order.  Instead of trying to do a little bit of everything each day, I need to set specific days....a specific day to clean house...a specific day to job hunt....a specific day just for me.  Honestly, I know that sounds simple, but I think she has nailed the issue on the head.  Since I wasn't focusing on specific things each day, I was ending the days feeling like I wasn't making any progress.

It feels good to be back on here and talking to you guys...if there are any of you still out there.  I sure hope there are.  Please leave me comments.  If you have ever been in this place and have words of advice or words of encouragement, I'll take them.  Tomorrow is "Family Frenzy Friday" and I'll catch you guys up on what's happened in our crazy life.

What I'm Thinking Thursday

I know I am a day late with this post, but I have a good excuse...I had originally planned a different post, so this one took me some time to think up.  You see...I got a call on Wednesday morning, from one of the companies I have applied at and they set up a phone interview with me.  The interview took place yesterday, but that isn't necessary what I want to talk about.

I want to talk about is how different things are....I spent two hours on Wednesday night preparing for the interview.  I spent time researching the company and also preparing for the different kinds of questions.  The last interview I was in was in 2000.  It's been 13 years.  The job market is so much more competitive.  If you don't go in prepared, you've already lost the job.

I feel like the interview went well.  The next step in the process is another phone interview with the hiring manager.  I will continue to do my homework and go into that interview even more prepared that I was for yesterday's.

I have to be completely honest...I almost feel like this one was meant to be.  The circumstances with how I came across the job ad and how the process is progressing, just feels "right".  I'll keep you updated and just ask that you all pray for my success in this process and for God's plan to be fulfilled.

What I'm Thinking Thursday

So after my upbeat post yesterday, I need to have a complaint session for today's.  I had to situations happen today that are just infuriating.

The first was at my dentist appt this morning.  I'm not name the place, but it is one of those "cattle call" kind of offices where they have one dentist with multiple hygienists and assistants.  So the name of the game is over book, overbook, overbook.  On multiple occasions at this dentist, I have been left in the waiting for an hour after my appointment time.  It happened again today.  My appt was at 10:45.  By 11:15 they still hadn't called me back.  If I weren't losing my insurance coverage at the end of July and in need of a filing and a crown, I would've gone off.  But instead I politely told them I couldn't continue to wait, that this was not the first time and I rescheduled myself for their first appointment of the day next week.  It is just so frustrating when a person's time is disrespected like that.  Ugh!

The second happened at a fast food restaurant.  How many times has this happened to you?  You place your order in the drive thru.  You pay and then they ask you to pull forward and they'll bring it out to you.  Well...to be honest...I don't do that.  They have my money and I want my food.  Well tonight I ordered four shakes at this particular establishment.  When I pulled up, I paid for the order and asked that I also get a drink carrier.  My receipt and the carrier were handed to me at the same time.  But the carrier was empty.  Two shakes were sitting next to the register.  Then the cashier said, since you have a big order, you need to pull forward.  I politely told her I don't do that.  And she said, but the shakes for the people behind you will melt.  What?  They made two shakes for the people behind me before they even started my order?  You have got to be kidding me.  Needless to say, they were not very nice to me after that, but I sure did see them move pretty fast to get my shakes made.

When did people start disrespecting each other so much?  Have these situations happened to you?  If so, how do you handle them?

What I'm Thinkin' Thursday

I want to focus on the Looky-Loos for today's post...because that's what I'm thinkin' about on this fine Thursday morning.  Seriously....

Just this week alone, I've almost been in three accidents because of the wonderful sight seers that are driving through our town.  Is it really necessary to stop in the middle of the road (on a normal four lane main road) to get a better look?  I've almost rear-ended a few just because they came to a sudden stop in front of me.  Not to mention the people behind me that are busy looking at the damage and not me in front of them.

Come on peeps!  Stop touring through our town.  And I guess if you just can handle it and MUST come into Moore, please spend some money at our local businesses!

On a positive note, I can't tell you how wonderful it is to see all of the semi-trailers that are hauling out the debris.  It won't be long and we'll see new construction going up as people begin to rebuild.

What I'm Thinking Thursday

***This post will be raw.  I am not seeking anything from you with this, I am merely using this post to get these thoughts out of my head.*** 

Well...let me just get to it.  I'M DEPRESSED.  My eating is out of control.  All I want to do is stay in pajamas.  I don't want to shower.  Wearing makeup takes so much effort it is exhausting. 

Tony and I talked about it a little last night and I know what this depression is attributed to....the tornado and knowing my job is coming to an end.  (Sorta good news on the job though...I have been extended to July 31, so I have another month of employment than originally thought.)

I was working on my monthly budget which is done off my payroll cycle.  What do I do with August?  There won't be a check on August 31.  How do I plan this?  The OCD planner in me is about ready to explode.

We've had severe weather for the last two afternoons/evenings and are supposed to have it again today.  I can't relax.  I've not gone into the office all week because I don't want to drive home in a storm...and let's face it, I am scared a tornado will hit and I won't be here with my family if it does.  The thought of hunkering down in the bathroom again makes my stomach twist into horrible knots.

I know I have survivors guilt.  I have friends who have lost everything and my house got a little dirty.  

I'm not sure how to process any of this.  I guess the first step is my typing of this post.  Because to be honest, I didn't realize how bad it was until I started typing.  I have tears welled up in my eyes, but I don't have the strength to let them roll down my face.

I know this too shall pass and my faith is in God.  I will find strength in what remains.

What I'm Thinkin' Thursday

When I was visiting Nicole, she went on a job interview.  Of course, we talked about every nuance of what was discussed and one of their questions has stuck with me....What are your pet peeves?

So, I've decided to dedicate What I'm Thinkin' Thursday to a few of my pet peeves....

1.  When people don't drive the speed limit...seriously peeps...GET OUT OF THE WAY

2.  And on the next note of that, get off my butt....I'm already driving 5+ over the speed limit, so BACK OFF!

3.  I'm decently talkative and friendly, so I don't mind the occasional visitor at my desk at work.  But there are social queues that people need to pay attention to that tells them "I'm done with the conversation".  They just overstay their welcome and I need to get back to work.

4.  When breaking news preempts my regularly scheduled program and my DVR doesn't know to record it at 2am when they air it later.

5.  My last pet peeve is when I have an awesome post in my mind and then when I type it up I can't remember anything that I wanted to say.

So what are your pet peeves?  Do you agree with any of mine?

What I'm Thinkin' Thursday

Money!

I've been thinking solely about money since bedtime last night.

You see...Tony and I had our taxes done a few weeks ago.  Both state and federal were electronically filed.  And we thought (the key word there is thought) we were getting a refund from both.

At about 9:30 last night, Tony texted and asked if we had gotten the state refund yet.  We got our federal refund about a week and a half ago.  When I texted back that we hadn't gotten it yet, he made the comment that it makes him wonder if we actually owed state taxes.

I got out of bed and pulled the file....and low and behold, we owed money to state.  Ugh!  Luckily the return had been electronically filed, but our payment is still going to be considered late.  Also, we were smart and put our federal money in savings.  So that money has not come right back out and is headed to the Oklahoma Tax Commission.

Both of us have responsibility in this oversight.  One of us misread the information and the other just didn't read it all.  Believe it or not...I haven't gotten mad.  I haven't cried.  I haven't gotten sick.  It is what it is.  All we can do is fix what wasn't done.

So, that's what I've been thinking about on this fine Thursday.

What I'm Thinkin' Thursday

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of the alien objects from my body...my implants.  (Click HERE to read the post that explains my decision to remove them.)  I have to admit that I was extremely nervous to have them removed.  Did I love them?  No.  Was I happy with the results of the augmentation?  Heck No!  Do I believe they were the cause of a lot of my sickness?  Hell yes!

The recovery was rough.  When the surgeon took out the implants there wasn't much left.  All of the tissue literally fell under my arm pits.  So the amount of reconstruction was immense.  He put in several rows of permanent sutures that created an internal "bra".  The extra "work" caused the recovery to be painful.  I had an allergic reaction to the adhesive that didn't show up until late May/June.  So the rash was unbearable in the summer heat.  It took two rounds of steroids to get over it.  The final straw was that I also dealt with an infected suture.  The infection took over half of my breast and looked crazy.  After three rounds of antibiotics (both oral and topical) and the infection still not going away, the doctor has to perform minor surgery to remove the problem.  Lucky me, I am now a statistic, cause they had never seen this type of infection.

So once that was all done and I was able to settle into my new girls, I am thrilled with them.  The size and shape turned out to be what I was looking for when I got the implants put in.  I try not to live with regret, but to know that breast implants impacted by life so severely for over 8 years is really hard to choke down.  I can't get back those 8 years.  I can't recreate those memories that I wasn't healthy enough to enjoy.

Several people of have asked why I didn't take them out sooner.  I took out a loan when I had the implants put in...insurance won't pay to take them out....so it was kinda hard to take out another loan to remove them.  I felt like a failure in a way too.  It was a big financial decision to put them in and I couldn't put us into more debt just to remove them.  So, I dealt with it.  I don't think I can ever thank my parents enough for offering to help me fund the removal.  My life has been changed in such a wonderfully positive way this past year.  I have my life back!

As a reminder here is a little timeline....

• before I had babies I was a small B
• after babies, weight gain and weight loss, I was a pathetically droopy D
• after implants and breast lift, I became a voluptuous D (even though I wanted to be a C)   
• after more weight gain and weight loss, I was an F cup of droopy implants
• and finally...after removal and another lift, I am a wonderful, natural C

So...for the fun part...the B&A pics (and believe it or not...that is the same bikini top...yikes!)

What I'm Thinkin' Thursday

Source: sayingimages.info via Michelle on Pinterest

This pretty much sums up what I've got on my mind today.  And I know I've told you guys this before, but I have become a bit of a procrastinator and it is starting to seep into several areas of my life.

Work is a tough one.  My boss isn't in Oklahoma, so I self-manage.  Don't get my wrong...my works get done.  ALWAYS!  But since I do put it off and put it off and put it off....I tend to have to work evenings, early mornings and during the night when the deadline has hit and I didn't get things done earlier. 

Paying bills has gotten bad recently.  I'm not talking about our normal everyday bills...those are mostly paid electronically, so they require me to do very little.  But it's those random things you get in the mail (really...in the mail), like the lawn treatment service, medical bills, dental bills, car tags.  Before online stuff, I was super organized with our bills.  But since online, I can't keep track of those paper ones.  In fact, I usually have to do digging through a stack of papers and junk mail to find the bill that I sorta remember receiving a few days ago.

Taking care of Sookie....I am a bad kitty momma...at least when it comes to her litter box.  When we agreed to get a cat and have her be indoors, we got ourselves the handy electronic litter box that scoops the yucky stuff away.  Well, because of this, I can let the emptying go for a while.  But I typically put it on my to-do list and then for about week, I keep moving it to the next day and the next day and the next day...until we start to smell it.

Organizing the stuff for our taxes is one I haven't done yet and it's been on my list for weeks.  Tony and I have always gotten our taxes early...like as soon as Feb 1st hits we are going to see our CPA.  But just like the litter box, tax stuff has been pushed out a day for like the last two weeks.  I think I'm afraid that we're going to owe...at least that is the excuse I am making (refer to #3 above).

So I think it is time that I get my shit together (sorry for cussing, mom).  I know it's going to take several days of some hardcore getting caught up....but I have got to keep myself current.  Living like this sucks!

What I'm Thinkin' Thursday

I am blessed. 

I have noticed recently that my prayers do not contain me asking for things from God, but profusely thanking him for the amazing blessing he's given to me.  So, for this What I'm Thinkin' Thursday, I'm gonna give you a peak inside my prayers a bit.

First and foremost, I am thankful for the beautiful relationships...with Tony, the kids, my parents, my friends...I have absolutely no doubts that God puts us together for specific reasons.  Whether these people are in my life for a purpose or I am to fulfill some purpose for them, I know God has designed us to be together. 

I'm also thankful for my job.  No matter how much I might complain about it, I really do have a wonderful job.  I may not enjoy everyone I work with or the tasks that I have to perform, but I am blessed with the flexibility to be the kind of mom and wife that I want to be.  If my job were more rigid, I know I would miss out on a lot of things that I enjoy doing with my family.

Along the same lines, I am thankful for the roof over our heads and food in our bellies.  There are too many in our world that don't have this luxury.  I stress over money TOO much, but when I try to get a little perspective, I am able to remind myself that the bills are being paid and the mouths are being fed.  God is giving us what we need.  And contrary to popular desires, I don't believe God wants us to live in excess.  Yes, he wants us to prosper, but not to live in a way that we begin to feel entitled or greedy.

I find myself at a loss for the right words on how to thank God for these things.  I stumble on my thoughts and wonder if I am relaying to Him just how much I know He is working in my life.  I have faith though, that He can see my heart and knows what I am trying to say.

What I'm Thinkin' Thursday

I wasn't really sure what I was gonna write about today, until Tony and I had a late night conversation with Quinn.  At that moment, I decided that I would use today to discuss the same topic with you.  Because really, I am at loss on how to help my son and since he doesn't read my blog, I can write about him without him knowing.  tee hee hee.

You guys know that Quinn got his first HS girlfriend during Band this past fall.  She was an okay girl, but we never really had the opportunity to get to know her.  Her parents are very strict and they weren't really allowed to "hang" outside of school or school activities.  Regardless of the strictness and distance created by these rules, Quinn really fell for this girl. 

Over Christmas break, things got a little weird.  She wouldn't respond to his texts, but he could see her on facebook all day or she would mention that she'd  been texting with another friend all day.  So, it seemed that she was just ignoring him.  When they went back to school, Quinn gave it a week and nothing really changed.  He had hoped being back "together" would spark things back up.  But it didn't.  When he said he didn't think things were working out, she pulled the mean girl card and completely broke my son's heart and crushed his confidence.

She said she never really liked him...only went out with him because a friend talked to her into it...etc, etc, etc.  She just got MEAN.

Quinn has really struggled with this.  He has to see her everyday and in just about every class.  He is angry and sad and hurt just by seeing her.  We've talked to him about letting things go....finding a way to forgive her so he can free his heart.  I've suggested everything I can think of for how to let go of the resentment and forgive her and let her go, but he is still hanging on to it.

We told him that unfortunately, it is just a decision you have to make to move past it.  There are no tricks that we know of.  Tony and I both assured him that we have been through things that just had to be "let go".  But you know when a parent talks all a child sometimes all they hear is "waa-waa-waa" (you know, like the adults in Snoopy).

I just don't know what else to do and this is so heavy on my heart.  If any of you know how we can continue to help him through this, please, please let me know.  I am open to any suggestions.

What I'm Thinkin' Thursday

I hope you all have wonderful Valentine's Day plans either today, tomorrow or a night to come.  And if not, I hope that is by choice.  Because I am an "if not"...you see, Tony and I have never really celebrated Valentine's Day.  Not sure why, but since it has worked for us, why not go with it.

On this day though, I can't help but think about LOVE and how blessed I am to be in the relationship I am.  So, I thought I would tell you "Our Story" today.  I won't get too ooey gooey, but I will try to be as honest as possible.  It will probably be long (we have been together for almost 21 years).  So, please read it all.  I think it will be entertaining for you.

Just before Spring Break of my senior year of high school (1992), my best friend and I decided to get jobs.  Of course, we wanted to work at the same place, but the grace of God knew better than to do that.  One of the places we decided to apply was the local movie theatre.  While we were there getting our applications, a VERY cute guy strutted in...he obviously worked there and he obviously thought pretty highly of himself.  I got the job a few days later and was excited to meet this guy that intrigued me so much.  His name was Tony and he was just as arrogant as he portrayed himself to be. 

A week after I started working at the theatre it was Spring Break.  Tony went on the infamous Padre trip and I stayed behind and started dating another guy.  Theatre jobs have lots of free time, so once Tony was back from his trip, we had plenty of time to sit around and get to know each other.  I had a serious crush on Tony, but I was dating someone else.  So friends was all it could be.  Nothing more.  But after two months, I was done with the "other guy".  I broke up with him the week before my prom, so that left me without a date.  Who better to ask than a friend? (wink wink)

The very next day, I gave Tony a call.  He wasn't "available", so I left a message with his mom and told her I needed to ask him a question and to have him call me.  It wasn't until the next day when I ran into Tony at the mall (completely caught off guard) and he asked me what it was I wanted.  Man...I did not want to ask him face to face, but I swallowed my stomach and did it.  I asked him to the prom.  Did he say "yes"?  Nope.  He told me he would have to let me know.  Told ya...arrogant.  The next day (a Monday) we were working the same shift at the theatre and every time we talked, he acted like I wasn't waiting for the answer.  Finally, I broke down and asked him again.  Yeah...like he had forgotten.  Luckily, he let me off the hook and told me he would be my date for the prom.

It was a perfect first date.  I was among all of my friends with a mysterious guy that none of them knew.  And he sure could dance!  It was fantastic.  We had our first kiss that night and I was completely smitten.  It was a couple weeks later when we decided to be exclusive and the "L" word started being thrown around.  But with the end of my senior year came college.  I was moving away to Edmond and he was staying in Shawnee. 

After I moved, we still tried to see each other as much as possible...which means we were blowing through money like nobody's business.  (Thank goodness gas wasn't $3.50 a gallon back then.)  I hated college.  I hated Edmond.  I hated my roommate.  And I had gained the freshman fifteen thirty.  But I loved Tony!  Unfortunately, that wasn't enough.  After a year of sheer unhappiness in just about every area of my life, I had become a pretty mean and bitter girlfriend.  Tony wasn't the nicest guy either, but I'm trying to take ownership of what I brought to the relationship.  So, we both came to grips with the reality of the situation and we broke up.

He wanted to date other girls and I just wanted him back.  We played on the same co-ed softball team, so we still saw each other once a week.   And those Sundays were miserable.  Until I found out that I could kill him with my happiness.  So, I started loving life...dating new guys...and making sure Tony heard about it or saw it one way or another.

We had been broken up for about two months and Tony's family was taking a motorcycle trip that we had planned before the breakup.  Of course, I wouldn't be going.  But for some reason, I went to Tony's s-i-l and told her that I wanted to know when they were back and safe, because I had a bad feeling.  One day later, she called me and said she had to see me.  They were already back and something HAD happened.  Tony had wrecked his motorcycle about an hour into the trip.

He broke a bone in his wrist and one in his ankle, so when I first saw him he was in a wheelchair.  I was crushed.  I wanted to fix him.  But I had no claim to him.  We started talking and hanging out a little.  He confessed that instead of worrying about himself or his motorcycle after the accident, I was the first thing he thought of...he was grateful that I wasn't on the back of his bike.  (I believe that our breakup was God keeping us both safe by not letting me be on that trip.)  Once he realized he wasn't worried about anything else, he realized he loved me.  We got back together and there was no doubt for either us that we would get married.

We married two years later and lived Happily Ever After...um  NOT!  Marriage hasn't been easy for us.  We were young (only 21) when we married and still had lots of growing up to do.  We've been to marriage counseling on 3 separate occasions and probably could've gone more than that.  But we've been lucky.  The times I've wanted out, he hasn't and the times he has wanted out, I haven't.  So, one of us has always been there to fight.
Things still aren't perfect, but they are the best they have ever been.  What we've been through has brought us to where are today, so I wouldn't change a single moment of it.  Will we have hard times again?  Undoubtedly.  But will we make it through it?  Oh yeah!  Because we've finally put God in our marriage where He belongs.  Maybe one of these days I will be strong enough to tell you about the "bumps" that we hit in our marriage, but not today.  Let's just focus on the LOVE!

Thanks for reading our story.  Happy Valentine's Day to you all.  

What I'm Thinkin' Thursday

I went to my well woman checkup on Monday

...insert ugh!...

anyways, back to what I'm thinkin' and how it relates

So, when I got on the scale for the nurse to weigh me, she said..."oh, you must weigh more than I thought" and then moved the thingy to 150.  Surprisingly this didn't hurt my feelings, but what it did do was make me wonder something.  Is my view of my body still distorted?  Do I still see myself as overweight?  I think the answer to that is "yes".  Because I still think people see me as a fat person when they look at me...so to hear the nurse say she thought I was lighter than what came up on the scale was kind of a compliment.

It's been a little over three years since I had weight loss surgery.  And since I look at myself everyday, I think that impacts how I see myself.  Add to that a distorted self image to begin with and you've got a combination that is not quiet accurate.  Because of this, I decided to go back through some old pictures and see it for myself....it's time to put some current picture beside the beginning picture. 

This doesn't necessarily fix my screwed up brain, but man, I forgot where I was and now I can see where I am now.  I wish there was some magic switch that would help me reprogram my brain...not only to see myself through the eyes of truth, but even to help me with my addiction to food.  Because my addiction is far from being over.  This is a daily journey that I will forever be on.

But let me tell you...I plan to do this post again in another three years!  Because I'm never going back!

What I'm Thinkin' Thursday

Last week I told you about the four part series that LifeChurch has been doing titled My Story. 

The final lesson, "I Decided to Go",  posted this week and I thought it was a great wrap up to the series.  The basic premise is that there are times that it will be easier to stay where you are, but God has it designed for you go. 

*  "to step towards your destiny, you have to step away from your security"
*  "we are not changed by the promises that we make to God, but by believing in the promises God makes to us"
*  "you don't have to have faith to finish, you just have to have enough faith to take the first step" (that one is my favorite!)

So, I know I was a little vague last week and didn't give you my plans for implementing what I learned from the series.  That was actually on purpose though.  I wanted to give it more thought and hopefully listen to God telling what he wants me to Start/Stop in order to live the life he has planned for me. 

I've Decided to Start....doing things for myself.  This doesn't exactly mean what you might you think.  I tend to ask others (meaning Tony or the kids) to do stuff for me.  "Will you get me a tissue?"  "Will you take my plate to the sink?"  etc. etc.  And sometimes that is okay if it is convenient for them and they are already going that direction.  But there are times when I just expect them to get up because I am too lazy to get up myself.  I think I have been doing this for so long that I don't even realize I am doing it.  This is going to be hard and will take a conscience effort but I plan to START doing things for myself rather than to ask someone else to do them for me.

I've Decided to Stop....taking my job for granted.  I have the ability to work from home when necessary, but my boss prefers that I am in the office.  Well, I'm horrible about waking up in the mornings and trying to find a reason excuse to work from home.  I've even gone so far as to ask either of the kids "if they are feeling well"...I mean really...I don't want them to be sick, but what better excuse is there than to have to be at home with my sick child.  I know...horrible, right?  So, I've decided to STOP doing this.  My job requires me to be in the office...it's as plain and simple as that.  So instead of starting each day trying to find a reason to not go to work, I am going to start each day with positive thoughts and efforts to get my butt out the door.

I don't think I am necessarily in a situation where I need to consider if God wants me to stay or go, so I will continue to just ponder on those, but I think the two things above are a great start to changing my story.

I really think that the conversation I had with my co-worker last week where she mentioned this series was God talking directly to me.  He wanted me to listen to this series.  Maybe you reading this blog post is God speaking to you too?!?

What I'm Thinkin' Thursday

Yesterday morning, while chit-chatting with a girl here at work, we got on the topic of the current sermon series that Life Church is doing.  We were joking about sermons that seem to be speaking directly to you...and how you wonder if you happen to be the only one in the room.  Well, she piqued my interest so I spent sometime listening to three of the four sermons (the fourth is this weekend).

And man, this series is wonderful!  I highly recommend you go to Life Church and listen to the sermons.  I'm not gonna recap everything he has talked about, but I will try to give you a high level summary...cause I have been spoken to through this series.

The series is called My Story.  Basically, what is your story?  Is it a story worth telling?  If not, there is still time for edits and cuts...cause your story is not done.  The series is broken into four topics...

• What do you need to start doing to live a story worth telling?
• What do you need to stop doing to live a story worth telling?
• Where do you need to stay the course even though it is easier to go?
• Where do you need to go even though it is easier to stay?

A few of the points that stood out to me are....

"Decisions we make today will determine the story we tell tomorrow."
"Direction, not intention, determines your destination.  Play this story forward...if you continue on the path you are on, where are you going to end up?"

This is not a resolution.  This is going to be a spirit directed, life changing moment.

I'm excited to listen to the last one this weekend.  Go out and listen and let me know what you think.

What I'm Thinkin' Thursday

I thought giving myself a day to talk about whatever I wanted would be easy...so I have been surprised to find that I’m not sure what to talk about.  I can easily make this day a fun post or a serious post each week.  That is completely up to me.  But I also don’t want to get too political or personal or whatever…cause I’m not the type of person to push my views and opinions onto others. 

So for my first “What I’m Thinkin’ Thursday” I’m going to be light hearted and frivolous for a bit.  Cause something that tends to monopolize my daily thoughts is beauty products (makeup and hair).  I love trying new stuff and I am on the email list for Ulta, Sephora and Birchbox, so almost daily I get an email about some new product that is going to change my life…hehehe.  I can guarantee you that if you drop by my desk on a random day there will be a post-it list of what I “need” from Ulta (I go there on lunch since it is so close to my office).

This week I’ve bought a new nail polish from OPI (Liquid Sand), some Erase Paste from Benefit and I’ve gotten my monthly Birchbox in the mail.  It has been so much FUN!  I also have plans to go visit Lush this weekend and try out a new face cleaner.  OMG!  I am addicted.  You should see my cabinet at home…it’s full of stuff that I may or may not use.  But just in case I need it…It’s there.

I think I may need an intervention at some point.  Cause I can’t seem to throw any of it out.  That’s why this weekend; I am going to task myself with cleaning out my bathroom cabinet and drawer.  I know I have an abundance of samples that I haven’t even tried yet, so there may be a sample giveaway in your future!