Eighteen Months

It is hard to believe that it has been 18 months since I had weight loss surgery. I have to admit, I wouldn't just urge someone to do this surgery. While it has been one of the best choices I could have done for myself, I don't think it should ever be entered into without thorough research, thinking and praying.

I have been hugely blessed with an amazing weight loss. I've officially lost 105 pounds...which is 12 more pounds that I wanted to lose. I hope that eventually I will gain some of those 12 pounds back, as I think this weight is a little too small for me. But at the present time, I don't have a choice in the matter. I literally eat EVERYTHING and can't gain weight. Don't get me wrong, my portions are still teenie tiny, but I have been far from strict when it comes to carbs and sweets. This will come back to "bite me in the butt" one day and I am sure I will whine to you all about it, but for now, it is what it is.

Unfortunately, my health isn't the best right now, but I strongly believe that I would still have POTS even if I hadn't had surgery and lost weight. It may not have come on as quickly without the surgery and weight loss, but in reflection on my health prior to surgery, I can see the early signs of POTS. So, to find the positive in this, I would rather be skinny and not feeling well, than fat and not feeling well.

I still have a hang up about my appearance. I don't feel like a thin person. When I am at a restaurant and I order dessert, I feel like I am being judged. Like the people around me are thinking that I don't need to be ordering dessert because I am fat. I know that makes no sense, but maybe someone reading this can relate. After having thought that about myself for years, it is just so hard to reprogram my inner dialogue.

I still haven't gone shopping to buy a new wardrobe. I am a little scared to do that. Seven years ago when I had lost weight (and then gained it back), I spent a ton of money on clothes and then couldn't fit into any of it and had to look at boxes of skinny clothes in my closet every day. So, for now, I buy a little bit here and there and only have a few pieces that I wear over and over.

Would I do it again? Heck yeah! I believe it was the right decision for me and my family. My journey is far from over, but I am happy with where I am and am so thankful that you have been here with me this entire time.